I have a severe spider phobia. One that is so advanced that we are not allowed to say the “S” word in the house. We refer to them as unicorns because I once learned from a psych major that replacing something hated with something beloved can help to conquer your fear. Personally I’m just waiting for the word unicorn to become terrifying too. Currently my computer (my living room) is in the garage of my boyfriend’s parent’s house and I am waiting for the unicorn living under my computer desk to come back out and murder me…which will definitely probably not happen.

Recently my maybe-future-father-in-law recorded all of a “unicorn” movie marathon on DVR just for me! He kindly invited me to watch it with him (I’ll poison his hotdogs). When I declined he made sure to kindly come update me, at every commercial break, about what had recently happened in the storyline. “A giant pink spider took out the Sheriff! Yeah, they’re pink! How do you like that?”

My boyfriend (the reluctant “unicorn” destroyer) has taken pity on me but won’t deploy the many bug bombs we have purchased because he thinks that they’ll make our shelf of stale food inedible. I offered to cover my turtle Steve with a tarp and clean off the shelves but no, it’s a Bug’s Life for me.